The thing that sucks about mental illness is that if you aren’t depressed enough, suicidal enough, bad enough, nobody cares. Nobody cares until you reach their standard, and that standard is when your problem is bad enough to effect them
The amount of people who can relate to this makes me equally incredibly sad and immensely angry
In an effort to stop hoping to be considered the “important” friend in my friend’s life, I’m trying to make that friend seem less significant. I call this a ‘friend crush’. Like how you can constantly check on someone you have a “crush” on, or how you jump to respond and think they’re the coolest person ever? Friend crush is that but you are wanting to be the friend, not the significant other. No romantic interests.
Phase 1: Stop making sure he’s okay on social media. There are never any changes, but I worry because he’s a friend and I check on everyone. That needs to stop, he doesn’t need my worry.
Phase 2: Don’t communicate to him. Facebook, or texting. I love having someone to talk to who I know doesn’t have any designs on me, and is someone I can genuinely admire for who they want to be, and to be an important person in this awesome person’s life. But I am not that person to him anymore and I need to act like it.
Phase 3: Limit reminders. Those songs he encouraged me to listen to, songs I associated with our friendship, those memories I have of talking to my (then)best guy friend, I need to distance from.
Phase 4: Set up penalties for relapsing.
If he talks to me, I can respond. But if I have this much success, and shoot him a text over something stupid and small, and I know he won’t answer but I’ll secretly hope the phone buzzing is an answer for the next 10 hours, I could slip right back into FRIENDCRUSH mode.
Wish me luck?